Hiccup's Diary
by Omegaman17
Summary: Astrid's looking for Hiccup, only to find a very personal book that no one other than Hiccup has ever seen One-shot


**Hey Fanfiction! Well the pole is over! And here is the one-shot that received almost 80% of the votes! (so I figured you'd all want this one)**

 **Please enjoy my first one-shot ever!**

 **And don't forget to review! XD XD XD**

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Hiccup's Diary

By Omegaman17

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"Hiccup?" I cried out from his doorstep "You home?"

Silence….

"Hiccup come on! You're late for dragon training! And the twins are teaming up with Snotlout again! And we both know what _that_ means!"

Still silence

"HICCUP HORENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD!" I cried out "If you don't get out here, right now, you will suffer the consequences!"

 _Yeah right Astrid_ I told myself _Like he's going to answer to that_

"Hiccup?" I called out again, stepping inside "Come on where are you?"

Walking up the stairs to his loft, I saw that his door was open, if not in the slightest

"Hiccup?" I asked gently "Please come out."

After being greeted with silence once again, I walked into his room expecting to see him either still in bed, or at his table fussing over some new crazy invention. But instead, I was greeted with silence. His room was empty, no Hiccup or Toothless in sight.

"Oh Thor's damn it!" I cried out "Where are you Hiccup?!"

As I was turning to leave, I saw, on the corner of his bed, a thick book.

"I really shouldn't." I said to myself "It's Hiccup's property, and I shouldn't snoop around…..however…I've never seen that thick of a book before."

Finally, my curiousness won the battle with my consciousness and I picked up Hiccup's book and read the title

"Hiccup's memories" I read out loud "Hiccup keeps a diary?"

Now my curiosity was _definitely_ winning now as I opened up the cover and flipped to the first page which was labeled as 'contents'. Under the headline, were a list of different items that were in the book: Sad, Hurt, Anger, Confusion, Happy, and Friend. Friend being the last one on the list.

"Sad huh?" I said as I continued to flip through the pages to where Hiccup started his records of events

' _ **Dad got mad at me again today. And I didn't do nothin' wrong. He was saying that I was the reason that my mother was dead. That she died trying to save me from a fierce four-winged dragon. "Only to have her son be the smallest of all Vikings! You are nothing more than a great disappointment to me! I wish that you were eaten by those beasts instead of your mother!"**_

' _ **I couldn't stand it anymore. And I ran off to find Gobber, thinking that maybe he wouldn't hate me for my mother's death.**_

' _ **When I found him, I told him what my father had said to me. But Gobber tried to convince me that it was only because he had too much Mead to drink. But seeing the seriousness in my father's face when he told me that I was an embarrassment to him, just made it too real.'**_

-Slam!-

I had to close the book at that. I just had to. _It wasn't enough that Snotlout and the twins called him 'Useless'_ I thought to myself _His own father did too! I'm so sorry Hiccup._

After recovering a little bit, I opened up his book again and flipped to where he had it labeled Hurt.

' _ **Got beat up by Snotlout today.'**_ It read _**'I didn't think that he was going to, he said that he needed my help with something. So I went with him. He said that I needed to stay as quiet as possible.**_

' _ **When I was going to ask why, he threw a fist into my face, and broke my nose. "There's more where that came from Useless." He said tauntingly as he continued to beat on me until one of the villagers came up and pulled him off.**_

' _ **I couldn't do anything, I hurt too much (I still hurt now). And the looks that the villager gave me when Snotlout left didn't help any.'**_

"Oh Hiccup…." I remarked as I recalled that day when Snotlout proclaimed loudly that he beat Hiccup to a pulp.

' _ **The villager then made we walk to the healers hut even though my leg and stomach hurt badly. "You need to learn to love pain**_." _**He told me**_ _**"A true Viking doesn't let others beat him up. They fight back."**_

' _ **When we finally made it to the hut, the healer took me inside and bandaged up my face, right arm and leg, and wrapped my stomach in gauze to add pressure to the bruises.**_

' _ **So here I am now, with a broken nose, arm, leg, and possibly multiple ribs, trying to go to sleep and forget about the pain.'**_

' _ **What did I do to make Snotlout hate me so? I haven't done anything to him.**_

' _ **I wish my mom was alive.'**_

That last line did it in for me.

"Well that….was…" I said out loud while wiping tears from my eyes. I knew that Snotlout beat Hiccup up good that day, but not to that extent. "I'm so sorry Hiccup." I whispered to no one in particular "I wish that I did something. I should've done _something_."

"Let's see what's under Anger." I said as I cleared my throat

' _ **I'm having a hard time standing this anymore.' It read 'I can't keep living like this! Getting beat up by Snotlout or the twins has become a regular thing. Everyday almost. I'll be walking down the square, and they'll pull me into an ally way and beat me up. I want them to kill me…I want to die.'**_

"Oh Thor…" I said as I read that last line again and again

' _ **My dad's started to beat on me too. He'll drink too much Mead (as usual) and drop things and blame me for it.**_

' _ **So, he's not beating on me physically, but he is mentally. Nothing beats a son down more than to hear his father reticule him constantly. I would rather be stuck with getting punched by Snotlout all day, seven days a week, than to have my own father wish that I was dead.**_

' _ **I hate him. I hate the world. And the world hate's me.**_

' _ **The only friend that I have ever had, was Astrid. But that was a long time ago. Back when we were younger. We would go on hikes together, and I would watch her train with that ax. Astrid was, and still is, nothing short of a beautiful Valkyrie. Sent down by the gods themselves'.'**_

 _He thinks of me as a Valkyrie?_ I thought as I placed my hand over my heart to feel its pulse quicken

' _ **Yet another reason to be angry.'**_ his writings continued _**'I can't be with Astrid. It wouldn't look good for her to be hanging around "Hiccup the Useless". And I know how much she wants to become a sheildmaden. I won't take that away from her. I couldn't.'**_

Not having words to say or think, I turned to the next section labeled Confusion

' _ **What did I do wrong that made the entire village hate me? Did I offend someone important? Or is it just because I'm so godsdamn small?**_

' _ **I try to fit in. I really do. That's why I make those inventions. So I can hopefully impress the villagers, and maybe even my father, and change their hatred into pride.**_

' _ **Gobber stopped me from killing myself again today. He told me that this was the third time that I tried to do this. And he's right. Only because there is no place for me here.**_

The next page had a title to it labeled:

' _ **What is'**_

' _ **What is a home if you're not happy there most of the time?**_

 _ **What is a family if your only family wishes that you're dead?**_

 _ **What is the point of living if you've got nothing to live for?'**_

"I never knew that he tried to commit suicide." I blurted out "Did we really hurt him that bad?"  
 _Of course you did!_ My mind yelled at me _You just stood back and watched as Snotlout threw Hiccup around like a rag dole. You are responsible for his suicidal actions!_

"What's the next one?!" I exclaimed as I tried to clear my head "Happy. I finally some joyous memories."

' _ **Today was one of the best of my life! Mr. Hofferson came by and asked Gobber if he could make a special ax for his daughter's birthday present.**_

' _ **Once Mr. Hofferson left, I asked Gobber if I could make it for her. Which he agreed upon, telling me to make it extra special for Astrid. And that I have a week to make it.**_

' _ **A week? No problem.'**_

The next few pages were filled with multiple sketches of axes. Ranging from the large hammer ax, to the normal battle ax that I have.

' _ **Finally finished her ax today, and needed to deliver it to the Hofferson's residents. After wrapping it up carefully in leather, I headed out telling Gobber that I would be back soon.**_

' _ **On my way there, Snotlout pulled me into the ally and snatched Astrid's package from my grips. "Nice weapon you've got there Useless." He said "Who's it for?" When I answered, he kicked me in the stomach and walked up to Astrid's door, knocking on it and waiting for Astrid to answer.**_

' _ **I was in too much shock on what was going on to do anything as I watched Snotlout hand Astrid her ax and then my shock turned into horror when she threw herself into his arms and gave him a kiss.**_

' _ **After Snotlout left, I watched Astrid for a while from my spot behind one of the houses as she twirled her new weapon around in her hands with ease. All the while with a large grin on her face as she admired the polished metal as it shined in the sun.**_

' _ **Even though Snotlout gave it to her instead of me, I'm glad that she likes it.'**_

"Hiccup made this?!" I exclaimed as I pulled my ax off of my side and inspected it once more, and sure enough, on the base of the hilt, was the lettering: H. H. H. III "Why that no good son of a rampaging half troll! Snotlout! Just you wait until I get my hands on you."

As I flipped to Friends, I could only wonder if he meant Toothless

' _ **I touched Toothless today. We were in the cove, and he saw me drawing a picture of him in the dirt, and tried to copy me. (I think that he tried to draw me with the tree that he broke to use as a drawing stick)**_

' _ **When I touched him, he snorted and glided towards the other side of the cove and took a nap. But all in all, I like his company much better than anyone else I've been with in the past.**_

' _ **Toothless and I flew today. It. Was. Amazing! The feel of the wind in my face, and the sights of Berk underneath you in the sunset…absolutely thrilling. I can't wait to do it again.**_

' _ **Wrote a song for Toothless today, he didn't like it though, but I thought that it was pretty good:**_

' _ **The Night Fury Anthem*'**_

' _ **Oh say can you see?**_

' _ **Through the clouds, in the night?**_

' _ **It's what everyone fears**_

' _ **By the screech he is coming**_

' _ **And his purple blast's glare!**_

' _ **Catapults bursting into air!**_

' _ **Gave proof, through the night,**_

' _ **That the Night Fury was there**_

' _ **Oh say does that Night Fury**_

' _ **Go and blast away?**_

' _ **With our village destroyed**_

' _ **And our resources stripped bare'**_

"Interesting." I said to myself

"What's interesting?" a voice said from behind me

"Hiccup!" I cried out "Y….Y….You're back."

"Yeah." he said as he walked over and grabbed his book from my hands "And it seems that you've enjoyed reading my personal thoughts."

"I…..I'm sorry Hiccup…"I stuttered "You were late for training, and I couldn't find you so...I…"

"Decided to look through my stuff." Hiccup finished as he looked me in the eyes with an angered look. And I will be honest when I say that I have never seen Hiccup look that way before

"Did you think that I needed some time to myself at all?" he continued "That I would like to _not_ have to babysit you lot every day?"

"'Babysit'?"

"Or did you just assume that 'Oh Hiccup knows _everything_ about dragons, so let's go and ask him instead of figuring it out ourselves'."

"Hiccup."

"No. You didn't. Instead, you came looking for me and decided to pry into my personal thoughts about things!"

"Hiccup please listen!" I said

"Why?!" He almost screamed "You lot never do! I say one thing, and you do the _exact_ opposite!"

"Well I'm sorry!" I yelled back "I just wanted to know if you were alright! Shure Snotlout and the Twins were causing ciaos, but I wanted to check on you because you were and hour late for training. You're _never_ late for dragon training! You're always early! What happened?"

"I needed to clear my head about a few things!" Hiccup shouted back "Is that too much to ask?! I can't even have a day off without _someone_ coming after me?!"

"What'd you need to clear your head about?" I asked "why didn't you just tell one of us that you needed today to yourself? It would've been better that way."

"Yeah," Hiccup responded "And it would also be better if I was never born!"

"What?"

"I said…"

"I know what you said!" I interrupted "But…why?"

"Because maybe then my father would have had a better son than me….one my mom didn't die trying to protect…one that…wasn't a fishbone…" by the time Hiccup was done, he was barely over a whisper and had turned his face away from me. Probably to hide his emotions that were etched clearly across his face

"Hiccup. Your father is _very_ proud of you." I told him as I placed a hand on his shoulder "And anyone with half a strait head can see that."

"But if it wasn't for me….Toothless would still be able to fly on his own."

Upon hearing his name, Toothless walked up to his rider and gave him a reassuring nudge

"But Toothless forgave you for that." I said "And now he's one of the best friends that you could ever ask for."

"Yeah…But I still feel bad though."

"Hey, look at me." I said as I cupped his chin in my palm "You are an amazing kid. And you are going to do _great_ things. You already have."

"Thanks Astrid." He responded with a forced smile "Could you tell the gang that class is dismissed for today. Only, if Snotlout or the twins cause any destruction, they're stuck cleaning the dragon stalls for a month."

"Will do." I said as I pulled him into a hug "What are you going to do?"

"I'll just stay here for a while." He said quietly "I want to be alone for today."

"Ok." I told him as I left "Oh, and Hiccup?"

"Yeah?"

"The ax is amazing. Thank you for making my birthday a special one."

With that I turned to leave, leaving a dumbfounded Hiccup behind.

 _I'll make it up to you Hiccup._ I thought to myself _I promise_

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*tune of "Star Spangled Banner"

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 **Alright, now just to clarify, I don't have anything against the Star Spangled Banner, and I know that song is sort-a…lame…**

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 **Omegaman17**


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